Who's heard of this Scooby-Doo: The Mystery Begins nonsense? Just me? Oh, well, you're going to listen to me rant about it for a few sentences so haha.
Apparently, Cartoon Network feels it's time to violate the Scooby-Doo franchise, AGAIN, in the most painful way possible: by making another live action movie of it. But not a big budget, theater released movie with the added bonus of Sarah Michelle Gellar's sexy, sexy body to rope in all of the male fans of Buffy The Vampire Slayer under the age of 20. No, no, but with a crappy, TV released movie set in the present day. A-can I get a "canon violation"? NOT from you, Strong Sad.
1. Freddie is freakin' BLONDE, dangit!
2. When the heck did Velma get ASIAN?
3. This is a '60s cartoon people!
What's worse, that they completely thrashed this franchise's poor, bloodied body, or that I was totally expecting it?
Oh, and while all of the criminal's motives are rather odd, the fact that their first baddie is their principal trying to get a misprint stamp? LAME.
My verdict? EPIC FAIL.
Wow, I spent, what? Five paragraphs on this? Time for a RANDOM TOPIC CHANGE!
You know who the sickest, most evil man on the planet is?
...
Don't you even go there.
No, I'll TELL you who it is:
Joss Whedon.
You're probably laughing at me right now, but this is simply further evidence of his awful dominion.
No, he has not murdered or tortured any real people, per se, but his terrorizing reign over the worlds of fiction is monstrous and unending. Ever since his television debut with Buffy he has tormented the lives of dozens of lovable characters, all while forcing them to remain under a guise of good humor. Is this wholesome behavior? NO
He also has a nasty habit of derailing characters for the sake of his own unintelligible metaphors. He should be put to death for what he did to Willow!
Even on the internet, his psychosis knows no bounds. If you have not seen Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long-Blog, click this RIGHT NOW and go see the terrifying depths that this man will sink to.
These acts have horrified, shocked and enraged fans for more than a decade. And the worst part? THEY LIKE IT. The masochistic pigs like it!
And you know what scares me? They can be ANYONE. The poor saps! Dragged through the infernal circles of Whedon's depraved soul.
And, yes, I will admit it: I am one of them!
As much as I revile and hate that man, I am drawn like a bee to sweet, sweet flowers to the products of his mind. And in a few weeks, Dollhouse Season 2 will premiere and will be unable to look away! It's the same curse that forced me to read all four Twilight books! Except that I actually LIKE IT!!!
I can no longer do this, I must go lament the loss of my free will.
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Use the rule of Thumper as applied to writing, "If you can't say anything helpful, don't say anything at all." And if I see ONE "F1R$T!!" I'm going to eviscerate you.
Have a nice day!